Billboard Resurrection: Is Joumana Kayrouz Dearborn’s Undead Legal Queen?

You’re driving down Warren. You blink. She’s there. You take a detour through Southfield. She’s there too. You try I-94 to clear your mind—BAM. Another Joumana. It’s like she’s not advertising, she’s haunting. And at this point, we have questions.

Who is Joumana Kayrouz? Lawyer? Brand? Corporate enigma? Vampire from Twilight who skipped Forks and chose Ford Rd instead?

Seriously—has anyone seen her age in writing? Her website doesn’t say. The billboards don’t mention it. Her interviews talk about immigration, Harvard, and lawsuits—but not a birth year. The math ain’t mathing, Habibi. We’re not saying she’s immortal, but we’re also not not saying it.

There’s a rumor that she rotates between cities every 60 years so no one catches on. Twilight logic. Billboard Coven energy. One minute she’s getting sworn into the Supreme Court bar, the next she’s smiling down at you from a 90-foot LED display like some litigating Mona Lisa.

Let’s talk about that $4 million ad spend. That wasn’t a campaign. That was a carpet bombing. Buses. Billboards. Park benches. There was a moment in 2014 when you couldn’t even sneeze in Detroit without a Kleenex sponsored by Joumana.

And yet—ask the average Arab in Dearborn what she actually did, and the best they got is:

“Wallah she won one big case. I think. Maybe. Wait, was that even her?”

Because that’s the thing. Her law firm handles thousands of personal injury cases. She’s probably helped more whiplash victims than chiropractors. But we don’t talk about the clients. We talk about the contour. The lighting. The legend.

Is she effective? Sure. Is she compassionate? Testimonials say yes. But still, something doesn’t sit right. Maybe it’s the fact that her face has more local real estate than property developers. Maybe it’s that her image is burned into our minds like a legal pop-up ad that never closes.

Or maybe, deep down, we’re just mad we didn’t do it first.