🍇 Berry Scores Again: How Dearborn’s Mayors Became Lebanon’s Favorite Side Quests

Picture it: Dearborn, 2025.

The snow outside is Michigan.

The suits inside the mayor’s office? Full-on Beirut.

In the now-iconic photo, we see a Lebanese parliamentarian standing between two Midwestern mayors like she’s judging a local mahshi contest. Except the prize isn’t a blue ribbon — it’s full diaspora submission to the Green Line of Shia politics, stamped with approval by His Berry-ness himself, Nabih Berri.

Yes, that Berri. The Speaker-for-Life of Lebanon’s parliament, warlord-turned-uncle-turned-lifetime incumbent. The man who’s been politically alive longer than most of Dearborn’s residents have had eyebrows.

🧕🏽🧑🏽‍💼👨🏽‍💼 

When Local Office Feels Like Foreign Policy

The honorable MP — fresh off the MEA 262 nonstop from Beirut to DTW (with a suspiciously light carry-on) — visited Dearborn’s new suburban duo:

• Abdullah Hammoud, mayor of Dearborn proper, and

• Mohammed “Mo” Beydoun, freshly elected king of Dearborn Heights.

A historic photo-op? Maybe.

A flex of Arab-American success? Sure.

But let’s not pretend this wasn’t also a loyalty check.

Because for the Lebanese political machine, Dearborn isn’t just a city. It’s a franchise.

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The Berry Loyalty Program™ — Now with Midwest Rewards!

What we’re witnessing is the soft diplomacy version of a protection racket. Lebanon doesn’t send soldiers anymore — it sends aunties with Facebook Live and a reminder: “Intou mn el-jnoob, ma tensou ḥalakum.”

Translation: You’re from the south. Don’t forget who made you.

Dearborn mayors don’t have to report to Congress. They report to Ammu Berri and the WhatsApp group chat titled “Sons of Resistance and Slightly Inflated Egos 🇱🇧🇺🇸.”

Every mayoral win in metro Detroit is met with a congratulatory fax from the Amal Movement.

Every zoning ordinance passed has to pass the invisible Shura Council of Disappointed Tantes.

And every civic event is one prayer rug away from becoming a fundraiser for a hospital in Sour with 13 missing generators.

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“We Just Want to Congratulate…”

The MP’s statement hit all the usual diaspora talking points:

• “Pride in Lebanese achievement abroad.”

• “Connecting communities through dialogue.”

• “Showing the real image of our society.”

Translation?

“Do your little city management thing — but remember, you’re a chess piece on Berry’s board.”

It’s no coincidence that every time these mayors make a move — hiring corporate counsel, reshuffling councils, canceling contracts — it feels less like local governance and more like Ministry of Municipal Affairs, South Lebanon Branch.

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But Where’s the Line?

Let’s pause the baklava buffet and ask the awkward question:

Can you really serve two masters — the potholes of Warren Avenue and the interests of a foreign statelet with a never-ending fuel crisis and a nostalgia complex?

When Hammoud poses for the fifth time in front of a Lebanese flag, is that cultural pride or quiet compliance?

When Beydoun hires a crew faster than you can say “cash bar weddings”, are we watching visionary leadership — or the Dearborn edition of Lebanese patronage politics?

There’s nothing wrong with honoring your roots.

There is something wrong with pretending you’re planting trees in your neighborhood while you’re still cashing IOUs from Zahrani.

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Satirical Forecast: Mofawar City, But Make It International

With two Lebanese-American mayors in neighboring cities and a rising number of joint events, don’t be surprised when:

• Dearborn’s new budget includes a “spiritual consulting” line item paid in lira.

• City Hall installs a rug that points both to Mecca and Tyre.

• Parking enforcement gets outsourced to Amal youth volunteers.

Also coming soon:

• Dearborn-Heights Sister City Program: Now With More Explosions and Less Electricity!

🎭 Final Act: Dearbornistan or Dearborica?

We’ve spent years joking about how Dearborn is the Middle East’s 27th governorate.

But when foreign political operatives fly in to “bless” elected officials like they’re baptizing them into the shadow cabinet, it stops being funny.

Maybe it’s time to ask:

Do these mayors serve Dearborn… or are they just regional managers for Lebanon’s soft-power experiment in exile?

Because while you’re stuck waiting for the snowplow,

somebody else is cashing diaspora clout like it’s a blank check.

And the Berry ledger?

Still open. Still scoring.

And you, dear voter, are the one picking up the tab.

Shamefully,

Habib